Almost everyday now, I've been riding the Metrostar Express (better known as MRT), and I've encountered quite a lot of annoying things about it. Anyway, here are some of these problems and how I, if I had my way, would address them.
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One of the instances that I have a hard time with MRTs is when I'm waiting for the train. People don't line up properly. They line up horizontally and blatantly stand infront of you even if you were there first. I've often found myself, during these moments, relating with the punks in New York who push people to the tracks in the subway as trains come in. If I was a congressman, I'd make a law giving folks who line up properly the right to do just this. In any case, I don't think I'm the only one who thinks that line-cutting is a crime punishable by death.
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Another irritating thing is when I'm waiting for the train doors to open and then people start pushing us infront towards the train. It wasn't just one time when I got pinned to the side of the train (right beside the door). This really pisses me off. It's like being stampeded on, except that I'm being crushed upright. Argh! It ticks me off just thinking about it. Anyhow, the last time people did this to me, I found a very effective counter to this ( and I discovered this purely out of instinct). Just as I hit the side of the train, I turned and glared at the people pushing me from behind, and I matched it with a very malutong na "P*@!!!** Ina!!" I never imagined how well this actually works. The idiots actually backed off and let me through the door. This is a very effective technique although there are some things that need to be noted when doing this. First, you have to turn just like Zoolander when he does the Magnum look. And second, you have to make sure that when you glare, there should be a whipping sound coming out of nowhere.
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The last two problems are very related to each other, therefore, their solutions are connected as well. The first of these two is overcrowding especially during the rush hours. It can get so crowded that I don't even need to hold onto anything while the train runs. I could faint and still remain on my feet. Not far behind when there is overcrowding is the second of these problems --- smelly people. Smelly people I can tolerate, but smelly people in the MRT with me is something else. I make it a point to check myself right before I ride the train, and I'm usually successful with maintaining my freshness despite the long commute. This is why I find myself a little more than annoyed with people who don't bother to freshen up before riding an airconditioned train. It's bad enough my legs are tired from standing in a crowded train, they have to make it worse by making the air unbreathable. What's even worse is when I'm standing beside a woman (it doesn't matter if she's cute or not. although it's worse if she's cute) and then there's someone near me who seems like he bathed in vinegar and patis. His stink reaches the woman beside me and, even if I know I'm still Rexona-fresh, she doesn't so she mgiht think I'm the one who smells. Anyway, my solution to both these problems of overcrowding and smelliness, aside from handing out gas masks to everyone, is to follow what's being done with MRT's older brother, the LRT. In LRTs these days, men and women and separated into different train cars, which lessens the chances of tsansing (that is, until the gay population gets wind of this) . My proposal now is, like in LRTs, that we segregate people in MRTs. This time though, we make the smelly people ride in a separate part of the train. This isn't something new actually. Airports and restaurants (and even schools such as Ateneo) have been doing something like this for a long time now. They call this practice "smoking areas". MRT smelly sections is just a variation, as we are also just isolating the sources of air pollution (Given this thought, perhaps we should also ask smokers to move to the smelly section). Don't think that this is discrimination. This is actually good for smelly people because having other smelly people around them shows them that they're not alone. They would then find a support group of people who share the same problem, kinda like Alcoholics Anonymous. On a final note, this segregation scheme could actually still be improved in one more way. The smelly section car could be rigged to have a trap door on its floor. When the trap door opens, all the smelly people will plunge to their death in EDSA. This is an ingenious plan because, not only will there be less smelly people riding MRTs, but the MRTs will be less crowded next time, thereby solving two problems at the same time.
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I really do feel passionate about these ideas. This proves two things: First, solving life's problems is very simple; and second, whoever invented human rights obviously never rode the MRT before.
