October 08, 2007

Fun pala magsulat ng haiku

My heart is racing
Eyes and shoulders are heavy
Need time to digest

I ask the question
“What time is it already?”
As smoke fills my lungs

Will I waste my time
Listening to dried up wisdom
That puts me to sleep

To scream inside me
Held down by unseen fetters
Is all I could do

Sun hides behind gray
As the walls cover the gray
Closed eyes create light

Leaves sway with the breeze
The sky is clear, blue, and white
But where is the sun?

Withering flower
Refusing to accept life
Always in its reach

Delicious monay
Relieves me of my weakness
Thank you very much

Standing on asphalt
I enjoy the sight of grass
Right beside my feet

One bite at a time
Vultures feast on my body
When will I find rest?

The dog barks loudly
For it knows its time has passed
So just let it bark

Shall I shift my gaze
As her eyes fix upon me
My hands draw unseen

Without any choice
The flower grew among weeds
Guilty but blameless

I could only watch
The frog as it lets itself
Boil in hot water

Her special power
To create a time space warp
Please help me escape

If I had a wish
I would learn ninjitsu skills
And then disappear

July 10, 2007


This is where I belong
I’ve searched far and long
I can be my Self
And peace has found me

Seen my best and my worst
Here and now they coexist
I like who I become
And wonder how else I’ll change

Anxiety still comes
But more for them than for me
I’ve found that safe place
Now I pray they do so as well

All my travels and woes
Start to make sense
Led to right now and right here
In this place where I belong

April 13, 2006

staying the course

I realized that I have a lot in common with Patch Adams. He's a non-conformist and many people don't take him seriously. They think just because he's wacky, unorthodox, and attached to his patients, that he isn't fit to be a doctor. He didn't fit into their "box" of what a doctor is supposed to act like. And so they made life harder for him. In many ways, I've experienced such things myself.

I admire Patch because even when the rest of the world doubted him, he kept on believing in himself and his vision. He never compromised his principles and beliefs. I wonder how Patch did it, I mean, how he kept his faith.

I know I have a lot to offer the world. However, my ways, beliefs, and demeanor are not what most would consider "normal". A good thing about this is that I stand out, and I improve the status quo. The challenge though is that, many times, I've had to be the only one who believed in me because people around me couldn't see the potential (That is, until they actually see the results. Then they start believing). With this, some times, I feel alone.

At these times, I know I have to just allow myself to feel the loneliness. I know that this loneliness will be broken, usually by some sort of simple miracle. I get reminded that Christ believes in me. And the reminder is not usually a cerebral knowledge. It's usually something that touches my heart, like a kind gesture by someone, an inspiring passage, or a stupid out-of-this world (yet funny) accident.

Today is one of those lonely days. Coupled though with this depression, is also me looking forward. I just know that it's only a matter of time until God would surprise me yet again. So today, I feel a lonely anticipation. "Lonely anticipation" --- Now that's an interesting concept, isn't it?

p.s. If it's going to be another accident, I really hope it won't hurt so much this time.

April 09, 2006

comings and goings

I’m home. Back to the place I wanted to leave in the first place.

I’ve spent the last few years, traveling all over, perhaps looking for somewhere to belong. There was no peace here, only anger, disappointment, and awful memories. I had no home to go back to, so I had no choice but to keep on moving.

Now I’m back, and this place is not the one I left. What happened to those I called my enemies? Why are they kind, and why do I like them now? Did something happen while I was gone? There is peace. I have all that I need. I am safe here.

A year since my return, and now I’m sure this is for real. Things change. People change. There is hope after all.

Now I want to leave again, but not for the same reason. Home is somewhere we must always leave, so that we may always come back to it. If I don’t leave, I will no longer be home. I will be a prisoner instead.

March 23, 2006

Cruise Ships and Beautiful Women

The other day, my uncles and I were talking about how it would be like to work in a cruise ship. One of them said something really funny (and somewhat true as well). He said. “Kapag nasa barko ka na at napapaligiran ka ng tubig, lahat ng babaeng kasama mo gumaganda (When you’re on a ship surrounded only by water, all the women with you become beautiful).”

I’m wondering right now if I’m experiencing a similar phenomenon.

For a few months now, I’ve resolved to “kiss dating goodbye” (for many reasons, but mostly because I realized that love is a blessing, not something we seek out). With this, probably for the first time in my life, I am not on the lookout for prospects. It’s been working out quite well for me.

I observed something intriguing though with myself these days, and I’m curious if it has something to do with my resolution: I noticed that women are starting to become “interesting” to me, even if they don’t have model-like looks. I admit it now, looks has been the first quality I look for in girls. It’s only after I find a girl physically attractive that I would evaluate if she is also smart and kind enough for me to like. Recently though, I’ve found myself giving certain girls a “second look”. However, it’s not because they’re hot (actually, they’re just average in the looks department for me), but because I admire their attitude (such as passion to serve the poor, spirituality, wit and humor, tactlessness, confidence).

I can think of only two explanations for what is happening. The first is that I’m finally learning to really see past looks. The second… is that I haven’t had a love life for so long that I’m starting to get desperate! (Oh God, let it not be so!) Regardless of why though, it’s still an interesting turn of events. In any case, I choose to believe it’s the former.

I think this may be another sign that I’m actually meant to become a Jesuit. Hahahahahahahahaha! *sigh*