staying the course

I realized that I have a lot in common with Patch Adams. He's a non-conformist and many people don't take him seriously. They think just because he's wacky, unorthodox, and attached to his patients, that he isn't fit to be a doctor. He didn't fit into their "box" of what a doctor is supposed to act like. And so they made life harder for him. In many ways, I've experienced such things myself.

I admire Patch because even when the rest of the world doubted him, he kept on believing in himself and his vision. He never compromised his principles and beliefs. I wonder how Patch did it, I mean, how he kept his faith.

I know I have a lot to offer the world. However, my ways, beliefs, and demeanor are not what most would consider "normal". A good thing about this is that I stand out, and I improve the status quo. The challenge though is that, many times, I've had to be the only one who believed in me because people around me couldn't see the potential (That is, until they actually see the results. Then they start believing). With this, some times, I feel alone.

At these times, I know I have to just allow myself to feel the loneliness. I know that this loneliness will be broken, usually by some sort of simple miracle. I get reminded that Christ believes in me. And the reminder is not usually a cerebral knowledge. It's usually something that touches my heart, like a kind gesture by someone, an inspiring passage, or a stupid out-of-this world (yet funny) accident.

Today is one of those lonely days. Coupled though with this depression, is also me looking forward. I just know that it's only a matter of time until God would surprise me yet again. So today, I feel a lonely anticipation. "Lonely anticipation" --- Now that's an interesting concept, isn't it?

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p.s. If it's going to be another accident, I really hope it won't hurt so much this time.

comings and goings

I’m home. Back to the place I wanted to leave in the first place.

I’ve spent the last few years, traveling all over, perhaps looking for somewhere to belong. There was no peace here, only anger, disappointment, and awful memories. I had no home to go back to, so I had no choice but to keep on moving.

Now I’m back, and this place is not the one I left. What happened to those I called my enemies? Why are they kind, and why do I like them now? Did something happen while I was gone? There is peace. I have all that I need. I am safe here.

A year since my return, and now I’m sure this is for real. Things change. People change. There is hope after all.

Now I want to leave again, but not for the same reason. Home is somewhere we must always leave, so that we may always come back to it. If I don’t leave, I will no longer be home. I will be a prisoner instead.

Cruise Ships and Beautiful Women

The other day, my uncles and I were talking about how it would be like to work in a cruise ship. One of them said something really funny (and somewhat true as well). He said. “Kapag nasa barko ka na at napapaligiran ka ng tubig, lahat ng babaeng kasama mo gumaganda (When you’re on a ship surrounded only by water, all the women with you become beautiful).”

I’m wondering right now if I’m experiencing a similar phenomenon.

For a few months now, I’ve resolved to “kiss dating goodbye” (for many reasons, but mostly because I realized that love is a blessing, not something we seek out). With this, probably for the first time in my life, I am not on the lookout for prospects. It’s been working out quite well for me.

I observed something intriguing though with myself these days, and I’m curious if it has something to do with my resolution: I noticed that women are starting to become “interesting” to me, even if they don’t have model-like looks. I admit it now, looks has been the first quality I look for in girls. It’s only after I find a girl physically attractive that I would evaluate if she is also smart and kind enough for me to like. Recently though, I’ve found myself giving certain girls a “second look”. However, it’s not because they’re hot (actually, they’re just average in the looks department for me), but because I admire their attitude (such as passion to serve the poor, spirituality, wit and humor, tactlessness, confidence).

I can think of only two explanations for what is happening. The first is that I’m finally learning to really see past looks. The second… is that I haven’t had a love life for so long that I’m starting to get desperate! (Oh God, let it not be so!) Regardless of why though, it’s still an interesting turn of events. In any case, I choose to believe it’s the former.

I think this may be another sign that I’m actually meant to become a Jesuit. Hahahahahahahahaha! *sigh*

Why He chose to die on the cross

I'm happy that I went to mass this afternoon. The reason that I'm glad is that the homily helped shed some light on a question that I've been asking Christ for some time now, namely, "Why did You choose to die on the cross?"

I remember around two years ago while I was contemplating Christ's Suffering and Death, I told Christ (accompanied with tears, anguish, and all that stuff) , "You didn't have to let yourself be crucified just to show me that you love me! There are other ways to show me your love. You're so stupid! Stupid!" What was the sense of letting Himself be abused, humiliated, tortured, and murdered?

I got a speck of the answer this afternoon. During mass, the priest asked the question, "When someone has been abused, mistreated, oppressed, exploited... amidst all this injustice and suffering, where is God?" He said that the answer lied in Christ's suffering and death.

Christ became human to share in all our human situations, such as growing up, weddings, having friends, etc. Part of this was sharing in our experiences of suffering. And He allowed himself to experience the most horrific of sufferings --- to show us that even in the worst instances, He will still be there with us. He won't just watch from the clouds using his telescope. He'll be here hurting as we are hurting. He isn't just an observer in our life. He actively participates in it.

Maybe, just maybe, there really wasn't a better way to show us how much He loves us. I guess (and this I've seen in my own life), sometimes we gotta do drastic things for others to get the message.

I think I'm getting the message, little by little.

Hey Dude, thanks for sticking around.

Johari Window

The Johari Window was invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing yourself from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up.

My results affirm that I chose well when I named my blog "the lost boy".

Arena (known to self and others) confident, idealistic, witty	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, adaptable, bold, brave, calm, cheerful, complex, energetic, extroverted, friendly, giving, independent, kind, logical, observant, patient, proud, reflective, religious, responsive, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, silly, trustworthy
Façade (known only to self) intelligent, loving, wise	Unknown (known to nobody) accepting, caring, clever, dependable, dignified, happy, helpful, ingenious, introverted, knowledgeable, mature, modest, nervous, organised, powerful, quiet, relaxed, shy, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense, warm

Dominant Traits

58% of people think that ronlorenzo is searching

All Percentages

able (8%) accepting (0%) adaptable (33%) bold (25%) brave (25%) calm (8%) caring (0%) cheerful (16%) clever (0%) complex (16%) confident (25%) dependable (0%) dignified (0%) energetic (16%) extroverted (33%) friendly (16%) giving (16%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (8%) independent (33%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (0%) introverted (0%) kind (8%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (8%) loving (0%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (8%) organised (0%) patient (8%) powerful (0%) proud (41%) quiet (0%) reflective (41%) relaxed (0%) religious (8%) responsive (8%) searching (58%) self-assertive (16%) self-conscious (16%) sensible (8%) sentimental (16%) shy (0%) silly (8%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (8%) warm (0%) wise (0%) witty (33%)

To get your own Johari window, click here.

Ginji or Akabane?

I just took the "Which Getbackers CharacterAre You?" test, and it said that I'm most like Ginji Amano.

"You are lively, energetic, and have a brilliant personality. You are most happy when you are surrounded by your friends; as a friend yourself, you are loyal, truthful, and fun to be around. Be careful, though, to make sure to try to act your age. After all, there is only so much whining that this world can take."

I looked at Akabane's profile though, and it seems that I am like him in many ways as well, especially because, although I am good with people, I still naturally prefer to stick to myself. (Plus, I think people find me intimidating, just like Akabane)

"You are smart, resourceful, and quite charming. You don’t rely too much on others, and you can always find a way to amuse yourself in any situation. Remember, though, that the world does not always revolve around you, and perhaps consider taking in some anger-management classes. " (Sounds more like me now)

On a personal note, I'd rather be more like Akabane now than Ginji, because his joy comes from within instead of from outside.

Pasko sa Maporak

Isa sa mga proyekto taon-taon ng mga kasama ko at ako sa Maporak Immersion Group ang Christmas Program at Gift-Giving para sa komunidad ng Sitio Maporak. Noong huling December 17, 2005 ang pang-apat na beses na naki-Pasko kami sa Maporak.

Eto ang ilan sa mga kuha galing sa araw na iyon (c/o my trusty KB100 camera):

Para sa dagdag na pictures galing sa Sitio Maporak, pumunta lang sa Pagbabalik sa Maporak section ng lost boy snapshots.