Downward spiraling
Dragged into a whirlwind
My mind spins
I try to find a hold
Tried the winds to tame
But faced a storm instead
My fast footwork and I
Got hit from behind
Have longed to be swept away
Only one eye open
I will give a fight
Be my worthy opponent
Bruise and cut this body
Bring out the beast
I have slept too long
Show me Who I Am
Drawing me deeper into itself
I cannot see where it takes me
I fear the light within
For I might be swallowed
Do not be so sure
Sharp are these claws and fangs
But their power compares not
Fear the beast's heart
July 28, 2005
July 19, 2005
Pagmumunimuni sa klase ni Pareng Bulatao,S.J.
Usok na mainit
Matapang na amoy
Kapeng barako
Pawiin ang lamig
Pati na ang antok
Buhayin ang isip
Bumubuhos sa bibig
Umaagos sa dibdib
Sikmura'y nananabik
Padating na ang dilim
Sagipin mo ako
Bago mawala na rito
Tara'y lumipad
Tumalon at kumanta
Iwanan ang katawan
Balik-alis
Lahat na'y sinusubukan
Wala kasing kape
Matapang na amoy
Kapeng barako
Pawiin ang lamig
Pati na ang antok
Buhayin ang isip
Bumubuhos sa bibig
Umaagos sa dibdib
Sikmura'y nananabik
Padating na ang dilim
Sagipin mo ako
Bago mawala na rito
Tara'y lumipad
Tumalon at kumanta
Iwanan ang katawan
Balik-alis
Lahat na'y sinusubukan
Wala kasing kape
January 07, 2005
Goodbye Mister Tidds
I recently said goodbye to something that had been a big part of my life for the past years --- my car "Mister Tidds".
As part of my assertion of independence from my parents, I returned stewardship of my 1991 Galant Super Saloon, plate number TDE 413 or Mister Tidds for short, to my Dad the other day. I've been driving that car since I was in 4th year high school. Now I found that it was time to let it go. And there is much to be said about freely giving up this amenity.
Admittedly, it did hurt to give up Mister Tidds and know that our relationship would never be the same again. Mister Tidds and I have been through a lot together. I took it for granted before but Mister Tidds had been there with me during many significant moments in my life. Relationships, work, friends --- my car was there in the background most of the time. I've laughed and cried in that car. Now I guess it's time to make memories elsewhere.
I don't regret my decision to let go of Mister Tidds though. I needed to give up Mister Tidds so I could move on to wherever the spirit takes me. The car bound me to Manila. More specifically, it bound me to my parents (and at the same time, my parents used it as a means to bind me). Since my parents and I don't see eye to eye about many of my life decisions, I think it's only right that I stop living off them.
I want to clarify though that I don't feel at a loss because of my decision. I feel great now, like I freed myself somehow. The feeling is kind of like the joy I felt when I was living alone in Mindanao. Back there, I didn't have much but I felt really alive. The best way I can put it is that I'm feeling less and less artificial now. My self seems clearer than before. (I'm hoping though that I don't turn out like Josh Harnett in 40 Days 40 Nights in the way that the first few days of abstinence from sex felt great and then the shit started to hit the fan. Well, come to think of it, he did still end up with the girl in the end so I guess I shouldn't worry... I wonder if girls would find me hotter now knowing that I voluntarily gave up my car for a greater cause. Hmmmmmm)
All in all, I can say that I will miss Mister Tidds. That car served me well and I'm thankful for having the chance to drive it and take care of it. I'm sure whomever my Dad decides to sell Miater Tidds to will have a good experience with the car as well. As for me, I've got my own journey in front of me. Mister Tidds, it was wonderful to have travelled with you, although now, I think it's time I started walking on my own.
As part of my assertion of independence from my parents, I returned stewardship of my 1991 Galant Super Saloon, plate number TDE 413 or Mister Tidds for short, to my Dad the other day. I've been driving that car since I was in 4th year high school. Now I found that it was time to let it go. And there is much to be said about freely giving up this amenity.
Admittedly, it did hurt to give up Mister Tidds and know that our relationship would never be the same again. Mister Tidds and I have been through a lot together. I took it for granted before but Mister Tidds had been there with me during many significant moments in my life. Relationships, work, friends --- my car was there in the background most of the time. I've laughed and cried in that car. Now I guess it's time to make memories elsewhere.
I don't regret my decision to let go of Mister Tidds though. I needed to give up Mister Tidds so I could move on to wherever the spirit takes me. The car bound me to Manila. More specifically, it bound me to my parents (and at the same time, my parents used it as a means to bind me). Since my parents and I don't see eye to eye about many of my life decisions, I think it's only right that I stop living off them.
I want to clarify though that I don't feel at a loss because of my decision. I feel great now, like I freed myself somehow. The feeling is kind of like the joy I felt when I was living alone in Mindanao. Back there, I didn't have much but I felt really alive. The best way I can put it is that I'm feeling less and less artificial now. My self seems clearer than before. (I'm hoping though that I don't turn out like Josh Harnett in 40 Days 40 Nights in the way that the first few days of abstinence from sex felt great and then the shit started to hit the fan. Well, come to think of it, he did still end up with the girl in the end so I guess I shouldn't worry... I wonder if girls would find me hotter now knowing that I voluntarily gave up my car for a greater cause. Hmmmmmm)
All in all, I can say that I will miss Mister Tidds. That car served me well and I'm thankful for having the chance to drive it and take care of it. I'm sure whomever my Dad decides to sell Miater Tidds to will have a good experience with the car as well. As for me, I've got my own journey in front of me. Mister Tidds, it was wonderful to have travelled with you, although now, I think it's time I started walking on my own.
November 20, 2004
Reflections in Mindanao
Tonight is my last night in Mindanao. The next time I come back here, it will hopefully be to move and work here already. I take this opportunity now to reflect on what I have learned in my almost two months here.
Firstly, this experience has been an affirmation of what I am capable of. I saw that I indeed can be on my own. I've been given an opportunity to exercise my resourcefulness, my self-suffiency, my patience, and my testicular fortitude. I've also seen that I can fight back and stand up for myself when I am being wronged. I can put up one hell of a fight if I need to. No longer will I allow others to hold me back and take advantage of me. I am strong.
Secondly, as I've been able to be on my own, I realize how great it feels to be independent. The experience of this freedom is outstanding. I've always had the option to be this free. I choose this freedom now.
Third, I've seen that being physically away from the sources of my baggages doesn't completely get rid of my issues. Anger, bitterness, resentment, and guilt that I hold inside follow me wherever I go. This is because the source of these is not really from the outside. The real source is me. I keep myself angry, resentlful, bitter, and guilty. Therefore, it's up to me to choose to let all these go.
Fourth, although staying away from the objects of my negativities doens't resolve my issues, distance does make confronting my inner demons so much easier. Tending to one's wounds is more pleasant when one is not incurring further injury. Thereby, distance does have a very good use.
Fifth, I realize that fulfillment, peace, joy, and everything else of their kind are not results of doing. Instead, these are all functions of being. What one does (may it be work, a hobby, etc.) doesn't matter. Fulfillment, peace, joy, etc. are states of mind (or better yet, states of spirit). It's my choice. I can be all these right now if I choose to, wherever I am and whatever I am doing. It's that simple. So I choose so.
Lastly --- Mindanao is such a beautiful place, especially Davao. It has all the amenities of Manila, minus the petty crimes, the pollution, the over-population, and the fast-paced life. It's also a short ride to the beach and to Mount Apo. I'd love to live and work here. I love Davao!
I had a great time here in Mindanao. I can't wait to come back already.
Firstly, this experience has been an affirmation of what I am capable of. I saw that I indeed can be on my own. I've been given an opportunity to exercise my resourcefulness, my self-suffiency, my patience, and my testicular fortitude. I've also seen that I can fight back and stand up for myself when I am being wronged. I can put up one hell of a fight if I need to. No longer will I allow others to hold me back and take advantage of me. I am strong.
Secondly, as I've been able to be on my own, I realize how great it feels to be independent. The experience of this freedom is outstanding. I've always had the option to be this free. I choose this freedom now.
Third, I've seen that being physically away from the sources of my baggages doesn't completely get rid of my issues. Anger, bitterness, resentment, and guilt that I hold inside follow me wherever I go. This is because the source of these is not really from the outside. The real source is me. I keep myself angry, resentlful, bitter, and guilty. Therefore, it's up to me to choose to let all these go.
Fourth, although staying away from the objects of my negativities doens't resolve my issues, distance does make confronting my inner demons so much easier. Tending to one's wounds is more pleasant when one is not incurring further injury. Thereby, distance does have a very good use.
Fifth, I realize that fulfillment, peace, joy, and everything else of their kind are not results of doing. Instead, these are all functions of being. What one does (may it be work, a hobby, etc.) doesn't matter. Fulfillment, peace, joy, etc. are states of mind (or better yet, states of spirit). It's my choice. I can be all these right now if I choose to, wherever I am and whatever I am doing. It's that simple. So I choose so.
Lastly --- Mindanao is such a beautiful place, especially Davao. It has all the amenities of Manila, minus the petty crimes, the pollution, the over-population, and the fast-paced life. It's also a short ride to the beach and to Mount Apo. I'd love to live and work here. I love Davao!
I had a great time here in Mindanao. I can't wait to come back already.
November 16, 2004
stop over
He travels here to there
Always moving
Change is embraced
Change is sought after
He lives and breathes where he goes to
He takes these places in
As they take him in
Yet he never feels settled
Something inside always draws him away
A lot he has found in his travels
But that which he seeks eludes him
He does not know what it looks like
Though he is sure when it is not there
He can smell it
And this trail he follows
The chase
The change
The journey
The wandering
This is his life
This is his choice
What he seeks and what he finds
Where the trail leads him to matters not
Always seeking and always finding
The lost boy pushes on
Always moving
Change is embraced
Change is sought after
He lives and breathes where he goes to
He takes these places in
As they take him in
Yet he never feels settled
Something inside always draws him away
A lot he has found in his travels
But that which he seeks eludes him
He does not know what it looks like
Though he is sure when it is not there
He can smell it
And this trail he follows
The chase
The change
The journey
The wandering
This is his life
This is his choice
What he seeks and what he finds
Where the trail leads him to matters not
Always seeking and always finding
The lost boy pushes on